Gone
by ginfiz
Summary: What if Bella had left Edward in New Moon? What if she said they couldn't be together. how would things pan out? review! i own nothing!
1. Goodbye Bella

I felt my dead heart drop. I replayed the hopeless words in my head again. "Edward, you're dangerous for me. This can't work, it won't work. I'm sorry". Bella stood before me, giving me news that I never wanted to hear. I knew one day something like this would happen. She was human and I, vampire. After the incident with Jasper, she'd been distant. I'd tried my hardest to ignore what I knew was going to happen. "Did you hear me, Edward?". I nodded slowly. I dared myself to look up at her face. I regretted it almost immediately. Her brown hair flowing in the afternoon wind.

Her eyes wide and hypnotizing. But most of all her smell, it was everywhere. It burnt in my throat, a feeling I'd become accustom too. "Bella, I can make it change. I'll change. Please…". She put her hand up in protest to my words. "You can't be human again. It's not possible. I can't put myself at risk everyday. I have Charlie and Renee to think about. I put them in danger too. Our love, it doesn't triumph over all, Edward. This is wrong. Against nature. I'm going back to stay with Renee and Phil. I think it's best. Say goodbye to your family for me. I promise, it'll be as if I never existed".

Bella walked away from the forest. I watched her as she slipped away, out of my sight. My knees became weak and I lost my hold. I fell to the ground. Everything I'd worked towards with Bella, was over now. I already missed her. I found my feet again. A part of me wanted to run into Bella's house, tell her I wouldn't let her leave. Tell her she had to stay with me. But another part of me, couldn't go against Bella's wishes.

I ran home, as fast as I could. Anything to stop myself from going back. I could hear the conversations in my house erupting. I stood at the front of my home. Not sure if I wanted to go in there. I knew one thing, I was going to get angry at Jasper. Because right now, I needed someone to blame, and he was the reason Bella had come to a realization. I took an unnecessary breath in and walked through the front door. I was bombarded by a pair of arms. I looked down, Alice. I should've guessed that she would know. "Oh, Edward. I'm so sorry". I didn't hug her back, instead I pushed her off. I walked straight up to Jasper. He could feel my anger, his face was contorted in an expression of pain. Guilt. I looked him, straight in the eye. "You did this".

With those words I went to my room. I knew silence would kill me right now, so I turned on my stereo. The whole that was ripped in my chest ached as Clair de Lune started to play. The world wanted me to suffer heart ache. I might as well let it. I spent the rest of the night, with the song on replay, letting my dead, un-beating heart break.


	2. Goodbye Forks

It had been nearly a month without my Bella. Well, I couldn't really call her that anymore, she wasn't mine anymore. The whole in my chest ached around the edges constantly. Alice tried to get me to act normal, I did the best I could for her.

I went to school and hunted with her. Though I was starting to go longer without hunting. I'd test myself, Carlisle could tell. It was dangerous to go so long without enough blood in my body, but I found it hard to let my instincts take over. I found it hard to do anything. It was dark right now. I was sitting in my bedroom finishing off some homework I'd been given. I was also contemplating apologizing to Jasper, but every time I thought about it the whole ached and burnt, I couldn't bring myself to do it. A part of me still needed to blame him. It was raining outside, usual weather for Forks, Everyone had gone out hunting and I was staying behind. I was lost in my thoughts when I heard a knock at the door. I'd been so busy that I hadn't heard someone's mind talking?

I opened the door and there was Carlisle. "Hello Edward". He said, he sounded slightly anxious. I tried to read hid thoughts but I only heard him reciting parts of the bible in it's original text. I cocked my eyebrow. "Carlisle". I said inclining my head. "May I come in?". I nodded and he walked past me into my room. "Did you not go hunting?". He shook his head. He seemed to be contemplating something in his head, but I couldn't tell what, he was still reciting. "You don't want me to know what you're thinking?". I asked, it was more of a statement. "I have to talk to you, Edward". I nodded for him to continue. "Ever since Bel.._she_ left you've been more upset than I've ever seen you. I think maybe, you need to get away from here, away from Forks. There are to many reminders here".

I was shocked that Carlisle had suggested this to me. For nearly all my vampire life I'd been with him and now he wanted me to leave because I didn't seem happy? "I don't want to leave. Where would I even go?". He was starring straight into my eyes, the liquid gold of his iris moving and shifting as he spoke. "You could to Alaska, stay with the coven there. I know they'd be happy to have you". It was all a good idea, but I wasn't sure that I could leave Forks. Without it, how was I going to remember being real. If I left, then she would become just a memory, if I stayed, then she'd be all around. I could see the pain in my family's eyes. I was hurting them, maybe as much as _she _had hurt me. "Fine, but if I don't like it there. I'm coming back". Carlisle nodded. "Thankyou, Edward. We all just want you to get better". I paused slightly. "I don't know if that's ever going to be possible". With that, he left my room. Left me to my thoughts, my never ending thoughts. I started to pack some clothes, books and CD's. I was running away, I'd let myself become so broken. When had it come to this, that I had no choice but to run away.


	3. Hello New Home

I didn't want to put in the effort of running all the way to Alaska. I caught a plane to Vancouver and ran the rest of the way till I reached Denali. I looked out over the plains of snow, winter time didn't even make me flinch. The cold didn't bother me, my skin was probably just as icy. But she minded, she must have hated the touch of my skin. Hated every I hugged her, held her as she slept, kissed her. She must have hated it all. The whole in my chest throbbed around the edges as I reminisced. I took my brave steps forward as I knocked on the Denali coven tribes door. The door swung open immediately. "You must be Edward!".

A red headed woman answered the door. Her pale white skin resembled mine. Her eyes were the same liquid gold too. She was in a long sleeved shirt and a pair of jeans, her feet bare and exposed to the cold, that didn't bother her one bit, like me. "Yeah, that's me". She smiled, her face warm and inviting. "I'm Tanya, come in". I did as she said, moving slowly, almost sluggish for a vampire. I could hear her thoughts. _Carlisle was right, he's worlds most depressed vampire, that's for sure. Oh, wait. I forgot he can read minds, crud. Think of something else Tanya. __Two households, both alike in dignity,__In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,__From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.__From forth the fatal loins of these two foes A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life. _It was funny, until she started to recite Romeo and Juliet. The story of two lovers. Anything but love right now. I growled quietly, I could feel Tanya tense.

I was becoming such an animal. Growling at someone who did nothing wrong but think of script to keep me out of their mind. I cleared my throat to break the awkward tension. "We have a spare room upstairs, you can put your clothes there". I saw the mental image of the room. "Thank you". I said as I made my way up the wooden stairs and found the room. There was a single bed in the room, I didn't know why. Possibly for comfort. The room was medium sized, with a balcony that lead out into the unknown. I could see the clarity of the white snow that slightly drizzled over the ground, and the trees that were dying, slowly. I could smell it in the air. I placed my small suitcase down on the bed and took in the new environment. The floorboards creaked as my weight shifted along the ground. The shelves held empty space for books and an old CD player. At least there was room for my hobbies. After I became accustom to my room I went back downstairs.

Tanya was sitting there, drawing a picture. I looked through her mind and saw what she was drawing. A tree that was visible through the window in the kitchen, she looked down at her artwork again and I saw the image. It was beautiful, which was a hard comment to acquire if you were a vampire. Talent was a natural thing. "You're a great artist". Tanya looked up, her face calm and poised. But I heard her yell _Oh gosh! I didn't even know he was there!_ I smiled weakly at her, something that was so foreign to me. It was my normal lopsided smirk that use to send_ her_ heart in fits. Tanya smiled now. "Thank you, Edward". She turned back to her artwork and I listened in on her thoughts again. _Remember Tanya, Carlisle said avoid eye contact and don't talk about love or personal things. Can he hear me now? Oh no, Tanya you idiot. Ergh, this stupid drawing is hideous. He's probably making fun of me. Stupid vampire men, and their sulking. I'm sticking to the humans. _I was worried for a minuet when she mentioned humans. But then she started to conjure images of the different human men she'd…been involved with. I scrunched my nose at the images and tried to start conversation to make her think of something else. "Carlisle tells me you have others in the coven. Where are they?".

I walked over to a chair that was next to her on the kitchen table. I turned to face her. "Irina is out, she likes to be alone at times. Eleazar and Carmen have a house not far from this one. They stay there. It's mainly just me here. I hope you don't mind". I shook my head and again slipped into her mind. _He'd be beautiful if he didn't look so…dead. Of Tanya you're such a comic aren't you. He is dead…technically. Oh, shut up you stupid woman. I wish he wouldn't stare it's weird._ I wasn't aware that I was staring at her until I noticed my eyes glaring at her. "I'm sorry". I said answering her mental commentary. She looked up at me her face a little nervous. I just looked down at the table. It was a light colored wood. The whole house was very woodsy. It had small slices in it and I placed my hands on it. Running my fingers along the wood. "You look hungry, Edward". I looked up at Tanya. I just nodded, to be honest I was. "How about I take you for a tour of the hunting ground". She said a small smirk on her face.

"That sounds good".


	4. Your mind, my thoughts

**The song Tanya is thinking is a song i wrote just so everyone knows. **

**I own nothing the lovely Stephenie Meyer does.**

We were running through the national park in Denali. When Tanya stopped. Her hair fell to her sides and her nose went into the air as her eyes closed. She'd caught a scent of something. "Do you smell that?". I paused and smelt the air deeply. Across some kind of frozen river was a herd of deer. "I smell it". Tanya faced me and then took off, she was fast, but not as fast as me. Wind sent her hair flying behind her. I kept myself at her pace. It felt nice to fly at this speed. I hadn't pushed my muscles in so long. The clearing led to a lake that we totaled in one jump. We kept moving faster, the friction in our movements silent and sly. The animals had no chance against us. I spotted a deer, a simple kill, it slightly limped. I pounced and landed on the helpless creature, sinking my teeth into it's neck. My mouth filled with blood, it tasted off and it went cold quicker too. I could see Tanya feeding too.

I liked how quiet she was, noninvasive. As I sat there, draining the life force from the deer I felt my muscles become strong and the hunger started to disintegrate but the satisfaction of the feed would never be eminent. I finished three more lives before Tanya and I went back to the house. She lead me through to the lounge room that had a TV propped up against the wall. A soft looking sofa lay in front of it and she sat herself down onto the lounge. I did the same and she turned the television on. Some crappy soap was playing. Tanya placed the remote down and stood. "I'll be back in a minuet". She said. "okay".

I wasn't paying much attention to the screen. When I smelt something I hadn't in a long time. Water was boiling and the scent of cornflower, marigold flowers, with a hint of flavour, with something else, I couldn't remember it. I stood and walked into the kitchen. There was Tanya, she had a cup in her hands along with broken leaves and the smell I couldn't remember in it. She turned around, she must have noticed my presence. "I'm making tea". I cocked an eyebrow at her, tea? "I know you're thinking, why am I making tea. I don't drink it, it's just calming to make". What an odd habit. I listened to her thoughts.

_I hope he doesn't think I'm a freak. At least I'm not singing, he'd really think I was weird then. I hope it doesn't stay this awkward, I hope he cheers up. I'm just glad he's gotten a proper feed, he looked so frail. What did that horrible girl do to him? I'd never get so close to a human, they're so… basic. I guess I'll never know why he fell for her, Carlisle told me not to ask. Mmm this tea smells like a forest, I hate it when the snow ruins the smell of flowers. _I felt my chest rip open again and I clutched it. I felt like if I didn't my whole body would break and crumble. Tanya noticed my movements, she peered at me through the corner of her eye and then faced the tea again. "Sing if you want to". I said, hoping that she didn't feel I was being rude. It was hard to sulk and be alone when you had to act like a gentleman. She faced me. "Can't you turn that thing off? You know it's rude to read peoples minds". I sat down at the kitchen table, Tanya did that same, her cup of tea in hand. "Sorry, it's kind of a permanent thing. No off and on switch". Tanya's eyebrows raised and she scoffed. "Wow, that must suck". I took the cup of tea from her hands to smell it. "Yeah, it does. There's no real peace and quiet". I took a long intake of breath, she was right, the tea smelt of flowers.

_I wonder if I should ask him about her? Maybe it's not such a good idea. I don't want him to have a break down. I just want to know if there's anything I can do. Maybe something that can take his mind of it, or what not to do to make things worse. I wish I could read minds, make this situation easier. I wonder if he's listening now? Hello, Edward. Haha, Oh Tanya you're such an idiot. _I laughed slightly under breath. She heard me chuckle. "Can I ask?". I faced her. "Not just yet". She nodded and stood, she started to make another cup of tea. The warmth in my cup licked at my fingers. Just like the warmth _her_ body use to bring. I almost broke the cup thinking about her. Her warmth, her smell, her eyes. Stop, Edward. You'll just make this harder on yourself, you're here to try and forget about it. How was I ever going to forget. She could never be forgotten. I was going to spend eternity, like this. Missing her and wishing she was with me. Why was I even bothering to try and find a remedy to abolished love? Tanya sat back down again. She was singing in her head.

_What happened when I left? Why are your eyes blacker than I've ever seen them? _

_I've never been so far away from home, but I couldn't refuse the calling. _

_No one is allowed to say your name, the pain is way to excruciating._

_I'd do anything, anything to have you here. But I know it'll never happen, not with the danger so near._

_When have pain and pleasure ever been one? Oh darling, I call pain and pleasure love._

_You could say it's unfair, but complaining has never gotten me anywhere. _

_I'm gonna rough it out, rough it out_

_I'm not going to loose myself, loose myself_

_I'm gonna rough it out, rought it out_

_Till you learn we can't be apart_

_I'm not gonna loose myself, loose myself_

_In this sea of doubt._

_I wont doubt you, I wont doubt you_

_If anything is true I wont doubt you_

_I know you'll come to my rescue. _

My chest burst open with the words that played through her mind, I could hear the music with clarity. I couldn't handle it. I clutched my dead heart, trying to stay in one piece. Tanya looked up at me from her teacup. She placed a hand on mine. "Are you okay?". I looked into her eyes, the were glowing brightly from the recent feed. "Yeah, fine. If you'll excuse me?". She nodded and removed her hand. I walked upstairs to stay in my room, to be with my own thoughts.


	5. The movie

**I wrote the song btw people**

I'd been in Denali for a month now. Tanya and I had a good friendship forming and I liked the rest of the coven. Irina was barley in the house, she was usually with her mate Laurent. Yes the same one that I had met barley a year ago. I couldn't stand to think of him. It conjured up images of her, and I didn't want to deal with that. The shards of light started to seep through my window, morning and night were always difficult time for me. It was around this time that I would be staying with her, watching her sleep, her steady breath pushing her lungs and diaphragm up and down. I tried my hardest to ignore my thoughts. But I couldn't forget her, not even for a moment. Though when Tanya and I were having fun, it help to cure some of my misery. I heard a small racking at my door. I could hear the mental voice behind it. _Can I come in? _It was Tanya. "Sure". I whispered.

I was looking out the balcony, wondering what she might be doing. Picturing her sleeping. The door creaked open and Tanya tipped in. "I thought maybe we could do something?". She said. I turned to face her. She'd washed her hair and it shone in the crisp light. "I'd like that". I wanted to get out of this house, I'd been in this room for so long. I stood up and followed Tanya downstairs, I grab my jacket that was hung on a rack and so did Tanya. "Where are we going?". I asked. She didn't answer me out loud. _A movie, get in the car. _She was starting to get use to my ability. I jumped into the car, a big four wheel drive. Not the kind of thing I would ever own, but it made sense for the area she lived in. Tanya started the engine and we were off.

The long highway went past slowly, we both knew we could run there faster, but people would stare if we arrived on foot. "What movie do you want to watch?". Tanya asked. "Anything scary". I said, looking out the window. "I think there are a few gruesome ones on at the moment. One about zombies or something". I smiled. I wondered if maybe she knew that I couldn't handle a romance or a love tragedy. I peered into her mind. _Didn't picture him as a blood and gore type. Personally I find it difficult to watch and not find my venom overload a bit much. He's looking better now. I wonder if I helped at all?_ Her mind interested me, a lot. "You did". She turned to face me. "what?". "You've helped me a lot". I turned to face the window a small smile playing on my face. We arrived at the cinema and got out of the car. We walked up to the cinema to buy our tickets at the booth, it was very old fashioned. "Two tickets to that zombie movie that's on". Tanya said, she didn't know the title. The girl behind the counter was giving Tanya dirties, I decided to listen to the thoughts the girl was screaming. _Oh my goodness that is a beautiful man. I wonder what he's doing here with that…thing. She's so pale and creepy. They have to be brother and sister, they have the same eye color and everything. Why's he holding her hand though?_ I looked down at my right hand to see it intertwined with Tanya's. We'd been holding hands and I hadn't even noticed. It felt strange to have her hand in mine, when the last person to probably hold it was Bella. My chest ripped, even her name belted me down.

I took my hand back. Tanya glanced down at my rejection and shrugged. I sighed softly, I was worried she was going to be offended. We collected our tickets and walked into the movie. We sat in the back row. The light in the cinema started to dim, but it didn't affect Tanya, or my eyesight's. The movie started with a couple walking down the beach. My heart ached. I didn't expect there to be any romance in here, when did blood and guts decided to abandon me. I paused and looked at Tanya, she looked at me too. "Do you want to leave?". Tanya's face etched with worry. I thought for a moment. I didn't think my dead heart could take the blow of love right now. I nodded and stood up, exiting the cinema as fast as I could at human pace. Once I was out, Tanya followed close behind. She placed a hand on my shoulder. "Edward, are you alright?". I looked at her, she was still worried. I didn't answer her, I just gazed into her gold liquid eyes. _It's her isn't it? It's reminded you of her._ She was spot on and it hurt that she knew me so well. I thought that maybe I'd become better at hiding that pain, maybe because Tanya helped it subside at times. But it was obvious now. "Yeah". Was all I could squeeze out. Tanya took my hand again, something that seemed strange to me.

She held it with the same pressure Bella did. The same care in the touching of skin. But Bella had said it wasn't real what she felt. Or was it? Either way, right now emotions were confusing me. I could pick up anything in Tanya's mind. She led me over to a park bench. It was covered with snow but we sat down on it anyway. She looked me in the eyes. "Edward, you have to talk about this". I shifted her body away from mine. "I don't have to talk about anything". Again she took my fingers and held my hand. "Why are you touching me?". I looked at her confused. I heard her start a sentence in her mind and then kill it with some lyrics. I listened to them, not sure if I ever wanted her to answer me.

_I see the fear that hides behind your eyes_

_You should know I've never been one to compromise_

_And you're running away, _

_You've got us all scared._

_Where is the danger this time?_

_It's right behind you_

_It's right behind me_

_We could try to escape_

_But I don't think we'll be to lucky._

_We disappeared into thin air._

_You promised no monsters could catch us there._

_But they found us._

_They hunted us till we were buried in the ground_

_For civilizations after to find us and realize they concord_

_So nothing matters now_

_I feel nothing now_

_Nothing hurts me now_

_Because you were the final showdown _

I wanted to cry, no, more than that. I wanted to sob and rip at myself. Break my insides, peel the flesh off, just to feel some kind of relief. Tanya could tell, she looked me in the eyes, only this time it went deeper. She was seeing every part of me. "Maybe you need to find someone else". I couldn't look away even though I wanted to. "No". I whispered. Tanya then did something I wasn't expecting. She pulled me close to her, my back facing her front. And there, she held me. Close, with so much love and care that it could crush a humans heart. "Thank you". I said. Tanya just kissed the top of my head. I knew boundaries were being crossed, but right now I just need someone to care. "Don't mention it". She whispered back, and we stayed there for hours. With Tanya just holding me. Keeping my heart from breaking. Holding me together.


	6. Calling home

**I wrote the song**

**and i'm sorry to anyone who might like this story that i have taken so long with the 6 chapter, but here it is.**

**tell me if you like this story because i kinda feel like i'm writing it for myself here hahahah.**

**anyway, have fun.**

It'd been a week since the movie incident. Tanya had gone out and told me to stay at home because she had a surprise for me.

I tried to figure out what it was but she kept blocking her thoughts with scripts and such things. I was sitting in my bedroom, looking out the balcony. My heart was aching, I felt lonely when left to my own accord. I thought maybe I should call home, Alice might want to hear from me.

I walked downstairs to the phone, it was a cream coloured receiver, old fashioned, Tanya liked things to be familiar and cosy. It still had wires. I picked up the phone and dialled the numbers for home. It started ringing. "Hello?". I recognised it to be Esme. "Hello, Esme". I smiled even though she couldn't see it, it made me happy to hear from her. "Edward!? Is that you?". I nodded and then remembered she couldn't see me. "Yeah, it is". "Oh Edward! We've missed you so much! How are you?". She said ecstatically. "I'm good, I'm good. I've missed you too, how are you? How's everyone?". She paused slightly in her answer. "Carlisle and I are great, so are Emmet and Rosalie. Alice is good, Jasper maybe not so".

I was curious as to why Jasper might be upset, but then I remembered that I still hadn't apologized for my behaviour towards him over a month ago. He must've been feeling the sting of grief and guilt all this time. "Could you hand him the phone possibly? I need to tell him something". I could hear Esme speak Jasper's name. "Hello?". It was Jasper. "Jasper? It's Edward". I could feel his sudden surprise through the receiver. "Edward! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen and i…". I interrupted him. "Jasper, it's fine. I know it wasn't your fault, I was just grieving, I needed someone to blame. I'm sorry I acted so immature and blamed you. If anything you did her a favour, I'm just hope that we can sort this out and be brothers again, like we should be". I small pause was injected. I crossed my fingers hoping that he would forgive.

"Of coarse I'll forgive you ,Edward. I hope you're feeling better. Denali sounds like a wonderful place. What have you been doing?". I smiled, happy that Jasper had such a forgiving and kind nature. "Denali is beautiful, I'm feeling better I guess. I've just been spending time with the coven here, especially Tanya, she's wonderful. How's Alice?". "She's fine, she's out hunting right now with Emmet and Rosalie. Do you think you'll be coming home soon?".

I felt uneasy about going home, being here had really helped. Though I did feel like I had lost a part of me, Carlisle believed that when one door closes another must open. I was looking for my new open door right now and going back to Forks would be heading farther away from my open door. "I don't think I'll be home too soon, but I will be at some point. I'll miss you all to much to stay away". I knew I already missed them but I wasn't sure if even that amount of miss and longing could draw me back to Forks.

Memories seemed like a lethal poison that would choke and kill me. And Forks was a whole town of memory's. It was then that I heard a car pull up into the driveway. Before Jasper could answer I spoke. "I have to go, I'll call later. Send my love to everyone. Bye". I hung up and walked to the front door, waiting for Tanya to open it. I heard her singing in her head again.

_You won't hurt me at all 'cause I've got razor sharp claws_

'_cause I'm smart, I am smart._

_You won't break me down_

'_cause I've got pillars all around_

'_cause I'm smart, I am smart._

_Lie after lie_

_You promised and I don't know why._

_Everyone has chances _

_But I'm dancing around the question of trust_

_Is it a must?_

_You won't steal my soul _

'_cause I've got a heart of gold,_

'_cause I'm smart, I am smart_

_You won't take my strength _

'_cause I've got courage and defence_

'_cause I'm smart, I am smart_

_Break me down and I'll get right back up again_

_You can't stop this slaughtering _

_I will leave you there_

_You're gonna wish it had never come to this_

_I promise_

_It's the end_

_You won't cut into me_

'_cause I've got granet skin baby_

'_cause I'm smart, I am smart_

_You wont leave me for dead, _

'_cause I'll be the ghost in your head_

'_cause I'm smart, I am smart_

She sang as she made her way slowly to the door. I knew she could smell me. _Close your eyes Edward, it's a surprise__. _I smiled and covered my eyes with my hands. A gush of clean hair hit me as the door opened, and then the smell of Tanya muffled into the room. "Okay you can look". I opened my eyes, and there was Tanya. Only her hair was a smooth set of gold. She'd changed her hair colour. I grinned even bigger. "It's looks lovely Tanya". She smiled.

To tell the truth, it would take a little time to adjust, but it did look lovely on her. Hell, she was a vampire, anything would look good on her. It looked so soft and delicate. I wanted to run my finger through her hair. "Can I touch your hair?". She faced me, as she'd been walking into the kitchen. "I thought you'd never ask". With that she burst into laughter, and I couldn't help but laugh also. I sound had slight hysteria whenever I laughed, it's been so long since I'd properly enjoyed life.

I ran my fingers through her hair. It felt even better than I had imagined. Soft, glossy, even sharp at the ends. "So you really so like it?". She asked as we stood in front of each other. My hand still running through her hair. "I really do". I smiled at her and she grinned back. I couldn't help but feel happy.

Tanya lit up rooms. Her natural buoyancy keeping me afloat. With that Tanya went into the lounge room, put on the CD player. Paul Simone's Graceland started playing, and I grinned ear to ear. She took my hand and we started to dance. I was laughing and so was she. We were creating the perfect picture of happiness right in this room. And I'd learnt how to forget, for just a little while.


	7. Human Rehab

**I know that this has been a long time coming I forgot my email! :P**

I spent the night thinking about what had happened at the movies, the oddness that embrace had given me from Tanya. She was a good friend, my best friend when I thought about it. Even though I'd only known her 2 months, she was the only one who could make the aching in my chest diminish. But it did return, whenever she would leave me.

Denali had given me so much time to think, thinking was something I was avoiding though, meaning this experiences was becoming painful. I thought some of the pain I had experienced from the breakdown with Bella would fade, but it was growing ever stronger.

Tanya knocked at my door _ 'Oi, I'm coming in'_. We were past the formalities, Tanya and I were close, she understood me so well, even though I was the one who could read thoughts. Tanya opened the door without hesitance. "Let's do something!". She smashed down onto the single bed next to me. "What?". There wasn't much to do around Denali. "Carlisle told me that you played piano". She waited for me to respond "and?...". I missed piano, but it was difficult, each key and note reminded me of _her_. "Well, I'm a singer. We should write some music together…don't you think?". She made a point, but I wasn't sure if I could handle music, all music is about love, and I didn't want that right now. "I don't know Tanya". Tanya shook her head and smirked at me with a playful look in her eye. "If you don't make music with me I'll lick you!". She spoke it with such seriousness I started to laugh, until she poked her tongue out and raised her eyebrows at me. "Okay, okay. I'll play piano then".

With that Tanya grabbed my arm and lead me downstairs and outside. Behind the house was a garage, I'd not been in it yet, but it seemed as If that was where we were heading. Tanya opened that roller door and we walked in. All the lights were off but that didn't affect us. Tanya turned the lights on, simply from routine I think.

The room had padding around all the walls, a piano was set up in the middle of the room along with a microphone. Other than that though the room was relatively empty, a few amps were lying around but that was about it.

"Hold on one second I'll be right back". When a vampire says one second that usually meant it. Tanya was back before she could properly be gone. She held a book in her hands. She handed me a page full of lyrics and chord changes.

"Play this, I know the words off by heart". She smiled at me, maybe this was going to be fun.

I sat by the piano and she sat on top of it. I started to play and Tanya started to sing.

_**And I hope you look at the stars and you **_

_**See this one star**_

_**And you think 'maybe she's looking at it'**_

_**Maybe our eyes are staring into each other's without even knowing it**_

_**Maybe right now in these small seconds we are connected **_

_**And I say "no"**_

_**I know, at least I think I know that **_

_**She will never love you, as much as I love you.**_

_**And I hope you call**_

_**And I don't pick up the phone and you leave a message on the answering machine saying**_

"_**please baby, please call me" **_

_**And I drift off to sleep, with the sound of you voice echoing**_

_**In my dreams**_

_**But I got this thought**_

_**That might go against me later on**_

_**That hope is locked in Pandora's box and what if I just can't smash the lock and you're**_

_**Happy without me**_

_**You're happy without me**_

_**But now I see you drinking tea with her and it's 30 degrees outside but you've got air-conditioning**_

_**Yeah the house is like an igloo**_

_**Just as I hoped for me and you**_

_**And the children are running around and she's **_

_**Trying to calm them down **_

_**But you end up having a family stacks on each other and you're laughing**_

_**You're just laughing**_

_**And you're happy without me**_

_**You're happy without me**_

_**You're happy without me**_

_**Yeah you are.**_

And that's when I realised.

Tanya, had a broken heart too.

I looked at her. Tanya's voice was brilliant.

"You sound beautiful Tanya". She smiled

"Thanks, Eddie". She knew I hated that nick name but I let her get away with saying it.

"What's the song about". I asked.

Almost immediately I saw Tanya freeze up. She clutched her heart and closed her eyes, breathing slowly.

"Nothing" she answered and left the garage straight away.

I felt horrible, obviously I'd hit a soft spot, I knew how much it hurt. I was just surprised she hadn't told me in the months we'd spent together.

I went to find Tanya and apologise. I found her in the lounge room, a cup of tea in her hand and listening to Fleetwood macs 'the chain'. She was looking absent. I became terrified that I had somehow broken the Tanya I knew and loved.

"Tanya?". I walked closer and sat beside her. She just stared at me.

Until finally her lips started to move.

"Carlisle sent you here because he thought I could help, not because I'm a new friend to make, but because I knew how much pain you were and still are in. I was in love with a human, five years ago now. His smell was intoxicating, mouth-watering. It drew me to him, we were happily in love for 3 years but that all changed one day, he said I was dangerous. He said he'd met someone who was better for him. How could I say no? All I wanted was for him to be happy. I can promise you one thing Eddie, the pain you feel, that rips through your chest, as it rips through mine also, will never subside, it is continuously immanent and last for infinity, at least humans get to die and end their suffering from love, we get to live forever in it. I'm sorry to tell you. But you will not find your cure here, you won't find it anywhere. All you can do is pretend it isn't there, that's how I've survived these past 5 years.".

I was shocked, heartbroken, and helpless to the pain I felt from the loss of my first love. But what Tanya said wasn't completely true, I had found refuge in Tanya, a release from the ache and numbness that gripped me.

"Not true, Tanya. You make me feel better, you're my release from the pain she caused me. You're my saviour". She smiled.

"Right back at ya". I laughed. I put my hand on hers and looked into her eyes.

"From now on, we're in human rehab okay?" Tanya said, I nodded while smiling.

She always knew how to lift a mood, she was my healing method to Bella and the pain I felt.


End file.
